The other day I was talking with a friend. He mentioned a photograph he’d seen in a collection entitled “The Ten Worst Selfies.” The picture he described was of a woman scantily clad in underwear and bra taking a selfie while her six year old son looked away towards the wall. If a picture says a thousand words, this one sums it up.
I didn’t even see the photograph. I can imagine it though. I know the scenario all too well.
When my parents were alive, no one took selfies. My father however was the poster child for narcissism. True to the myth, he was in love with his own image.
I might as well have been in the bedroom watching my dad take a picture of himself in his underwear with my head turned to the wall. I saw my dad in his underwear many times. I also heard him making love with the girlfriend of the day, week, month or year, as his bedroom was right above mine. I heard him call each of them “honey” as if she was the most gorgeous, wonderful and ONLY woman on the planet. In reality, she was always one of MANY. I recall a Christmas Eve when we went to two different women’s houses where my dad wooed each. Then Christmas morning we went to a third girlfriend’s house. I agued with my dad in the car that he needed to pick amongst them instead of stringing them all along. Lying to each was cruel.
My dad needed multiple women. One pussy wasn’t enough for him. His ego needed constant stroking. That he was a divorce attorney served him beautifully. He always had vulnerable, broken women before him whose husbands had broken their hearts. He would be that great guy who would treat them better.
In his mind, he loved them all and treated them well. Yet if one got upset with him, there was always someone else waiting in line next for him, so he never had to experience any kind of genuine loss, remorse, or heartache. He also never had to be accountable for his behavior.
My dad was truly evil. But I look around me and see mild versions of the same behavior happening everywhere in our society. A relationship doesn’t work out but no matter. We can just start texting and instant messaging someone else. Why not cultivate something new and improved? Heck, let’s do that while we’re in a relationship so that if things fall on rocky ground, we’re already planting the seeds for our next venture. We might be bummed initially at the time of a break up, but those endorphins from the first flush of attraction are quite the rush. That sparkle is so much better than the hum drum of a long term relationship, the bickering, and the tending to each other’s needs. Not to mention how cool we look when we can bag another babe or guy instantaneously. That’s quite the super power to have. Why not post a picture of our new situation and see how many likes we garner, as if we’re all the prom king and queen from high school?
We justify our actions by saying we want more, we want something new, it’s not healthy or normal to practice monogamy. We say we had a right. We did nothing wrong. We didn’t hurt anybody. It’s all good. Be a little more open minded. These things just happen.
We live in a carpe diem society high on instant gratification and low on emotional maturity or self-sacrifice.
We all yearn for contentment and love and relationship and yet we’re doing very little to learn how to sustain long term care and appreciation of one another. I think we’re all guilty on some levels, myself included.
I am that young child watching her parent take a selfie in a sexual, seductive pose. I am that child who witnessed so much crap that I feel I could vomit. I am that child who vowed I’d never be treated like a disposable object or commodity. I am that child who declared no man would ever define whether I was beautiful or not. And I am that child who grieves for what I see in the modern world wondering if love is real or a mirage in the desert.
Perhaps love is a selfie. And it’s very selfish these days.