Birthing Pains

23 Apr

According to Web MD, when the birthing process starts, blood tinged discharge flows from the cervix. Later water and other fluids gush forth. During active birth, labor is long with intense pain, pushing, and contractions. If you need, you can take anesthetics to block all feeling of pain. After birth, there are all kinds of physical side effects including sore breasts, constipation, tearing and hemorrhoids. On top of all this, you may experience a range of negative emotions, including irritability, sadness, or crying, commonly referred to as the “baby blues.”

Thus is how we enter the world.

Who or what is coming down the birth canal when we’re not giving birth to an actual human? What of the phases of our lives when we’re howling and bearing down, feeling like we’re going to pass out? How long will it take? And what is the cost?

Birthing is a dangerous process. You can die. To get through it takes enormous courage. While we might have a mid-wife at our side, in the end, we go through the pain and the uncertainty of the experience alone. No one does the job for us.

I’m not certain why we suffer so when we give birth to ourselves or new phases of our lives. I don’t know why the heart must break in order to feel and why our insides are torn apart when we start crowning. We scream out loud when we leave the comfort and safety of the womb; the darkness of ignorance and unconsciousness; and the state of mindless bliss. We enter, squinting at the light, not realizing that we have arrived. Not realizing that we are evolving to a higher life form, even though we have entered a world which is very broken. A world that is far from Eden.

Yes, I will enter screaming, sputtering, gasping for breath, and pissed as all get out. And I will use my vocal chords as I take in air.

I am here. I have arrived. And this is my life.

I place myself in my arms.

There is no shower. No welcome. No fan faire.

No one posts pictures on FB and clicks “like.”

But I am here, fully present. I have given birth to myself, I have worked hard, and I am damn proud.

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